I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
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