shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
3pm strippers are depressing
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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