He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
