You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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