If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
