The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
