the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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