Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Randomize
