i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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