how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
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