remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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