hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
