When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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