And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
