Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
