bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
