I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
