remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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