he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
