It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Randomize
