I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
