When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
