This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My penis needs a shock collar
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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