oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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