His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
