I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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