I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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