I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
