why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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