oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I will pee on everything he values.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
