what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
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