ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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