I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
