She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
