I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
