Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
