its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
