i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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