Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
