Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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