so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
