Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He has the fingertips of a God
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
