Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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