I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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