My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
