if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
