Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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