I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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