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I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
