you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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