Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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