He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
