I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
