Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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