Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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