Kiss
Puke
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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