so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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