i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
