haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
That reminds me...we need to get swords
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
